let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
