just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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