the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
