but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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