I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Randomize
