If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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