your parents love me but you hate me
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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