Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
