my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
