You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
