so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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