so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
