No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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