fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
