I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
