it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
sarcasm needs its own font
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
