I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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