im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
