I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
