Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
