I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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