tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
