If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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