i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
