just tell him i said nine months
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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