Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
