During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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