I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
