It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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