im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
