Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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