I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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