she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
that may or may not have been my penis.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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