im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
