So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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