part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
