just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
