His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
