The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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