My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
