White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
