Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm like, not good at living.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
