you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
