I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
