why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
