This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
