Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
