i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
