I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
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