okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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