y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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