I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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